I was having a conversation the other night with a trusted confidant and I was asking if I should hold on to hope or let it float away on the breeze. Now, I was being overly metaphorical, but of course the wonderful soul I was speaking with seized upon my meaning almost instantly and, without retelling a private conversation, convinced me that of course, I should hold on to hope, that I should always hold onto hope regardless of the situation. I told them that I loved them and the night ended.
Unlike most things I write, there isn’t a “but then this happened” segue. No, I am very determined to do precisely that and I will tell you why, mostly because why would I bother writing any of this if I wasn’t going to do the thing that was the point maker, the money shot?
I hope for really weird things sometimes. The Dodgers to win a World Series even though I haven’t routinely watched baseball since Clinton was president. UCLA to win the Final Four because no matter how far away I am, I will always cheer on the Bruins in all of their endeavors large and small. I hope for unrequited love, bands to get back together, sexual fantasies and even the ever-popular “maybe they will forgive me one day” scenario.
Fun fact of the day. I am listening to Adagio for Strings, Op. 11 by Samuel Barber, often considered one of the most depressing pieces of classical music ever written. Yes, yes you have heard it. Everyone has heard the theme music from Platoon. You’re a little smarter now, and I feel smug. This did not end the way I was hoping it would. Moving on.
The thing I hope for the most though, whether it be bleeding on my sleeve or hidden in my most secret heart, is that everyone I love will be happy. On the surface that seems a simple and very human thing to say I suppose, however it is, in my head and heart at least, complicated by the fact that, well, some of the people I love are very bad people. The heart loves who the heart loves, however.
You may notice, doubtful but you may, that this is a slightly longer piece than I have written in a little while. It is such because my laptop keyboard had been dying so I ordered a wireless one and it is a delightfully ergonomic masterstroke and I am finally able to do things like use the arrow keys, the right shift button and, of course, the delightfulness that is the comma.
I am drinking coffee from a mug with my mug on the mug, watching my youngest child be enthralled with a young man on YouTube playing Super Mario Brothers 3 at a blistering pace and panning out not only my day but the week ahead in all of it’s lifting heavy things glory.
Oh yeah, I turn 40 tomorrow too.
I am not excited by it, but it is not a thing I am afraid of. Time moves inexorably forward and who are we, simple beings of flesh and bone, to stop the juggernaut of the Universe from moving where it will?
Lots of writing coming up in the near future. Having the desire, and now the tools to do it make me a Happy Bear.
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