I want to talk to you about being in love. Every moment, every thought, every sense, everything and then just the slightest push and you are in a paradise that only you and the one you love can enjoy the way that you described.
The world looks better, literally when you are loving your best love. You see the leaves a little greener, the sky a little bluer and maybe skip the Kodak pollution pouring out of the huge smokestacks once or twice a day. You see the happiness in people instantly and you thrive on it, and then they reciprocate and thrive and it is this circuit that charges you both. Food looks more delicious, babies look even cuter, pets are adorable and even when you stare into that dark place, as we all do from time to time, you don’t despair because, no matter how dark it is, you see a flame waiting for you, waiting for you and charging towards you to be your salvation in that dark land.
Your eyes aren’t suddenly sharper, you simply look at the world through a different filter than you normally would and you see the absolute best possible versions of things instead of the mundane you see on a daily basis. You maybe don’t see the dirt on the streets, but the flowers that are growing in it. It is all about a change of perception, not reality.
I see only the wonder that she is. I see the brightest eyes and the softest smiles. I see how deep of a breath that she can take when she is here and the way that her hands just melt perfectly into mine despite my hands being so much bigger. My eyes see the things others may miss. The smiles that are given when she thinks no one is looking, the way that the laughter makes her whole face come alive with brightness.
The world smells better, truly, when you feel the hormones coursing through you. The flowers explode in their sweetness and coffee smells even more life-affirming than it usually does. You can smell the petrichor as the rain starts to fall on the dry soil in the backyard and the rich smell of the meat as the neighborhood has a barbecue because it is simply a day and they feel like it. You smell every sweet and salty, right and full smell in all of creation and you accept them with a deep breath in and the rush of it makes you a little dizzy but you take an even deeper breath the next time to see what new wonderful things you can get then.
You don’t suddenly have one of those prized olfactory devices of the master perfumers of the world. No, you simply block the things that are unpleasant and you choose to focus on the sweet and beautiful because that is what love, in it’s truest essence, is. The changing of a single cog that makes the machine work in a different way that makes the world better.
She smells like my happiness. Like the laundry detergent she loves and the shampoo that makes her hair shine. She doesn’t know it, but smelling those two things alone make you feel like you have finally come home after such a long journey. It instantly relaxes you, it instantly makes your pupils go wide and the love course through you like a flooded river with an unimaginably huge surge that never stops, never ebbs, only grows and grows until you accept everything of it and throw yourself head first into the rushing waters.
Oh, the marvelous things you hear that you didn’t even realize were sounds before love. The simple tick of a clock means that you are one more second closer to them. The thrum of a heartbeat as you press your ear into their chest as you sleep so you can try as hard as you can to memorize the noise so when the panic comes you think of that noise and are transported back to that moment when you were calmer than you have ever been and more at peace than in any time you can possibly remember using the senses given to you.
Your ears are machines of pure sensationalism. You hear the voice of the one you love and you instantly feel your heart calm, your breath slow, your skin prickle, your soul go to theirs and welcome them home to you. You don’t hear the loud cars, the bad music through worse speakers, the gunshots in the dark and the nearly ever-present police sirens. They are there, you simply choose to focus on what is more important.
When I hear her voice it is a perfect moment in my day. I can close my eyes later at will and hear her say my name and I nearly tear up at the sweetness of the sound. I hear her move her legs in her sleep and I wake up to make sure everything is well and when it is I hear her breathing soften as her body takes her back to sleep. Her laughter is a thousand supernovas in my heart and I never want them to end and I only want to make her laugh this laugh forever and always.
Have you known such sensation on your fingertips as when you are in love? Every nerve ending is an electric wire and every remotest thing is a lightning bolt from above and you shiver at the feel of it. Hot and cold are more extreme, wet and dry are amplified. It is a hundred thousand things every single moment and you feel it all. Even typing this my fingers feel even small imperfections on the keys that I never noticed before.
You don’t notice the chronic pain in your hands and feet, you feel the cool air hitting your face, refreshing it instead of the sweat pouring off of it. You move your fingers in the warm air of a summer day and you can feel the softest breeze interplay between them and you smile knowing that this moment is only for you and no one gets to feel exactly what you are at this second.
The soft feel of her forehead as I get the chance to kiss it for the first time. The way her hands on my back stop panic in its tracks and I can breathe again. She is soft and warm and feels like what I imagine a pure block of perfect would be if you had the chance to touch it. Electric velvet on every touch, Wrapping my fingers in hers and closing my eyes as I drift to sleep and knowing I am not going to be alone in the morning is the greatest gift I can think of.
Take a sip of water and, well, it tastes like water. When you are safely ensconced in the arms of love, however, it is the most delicious nectar every conceived by man or god. The air tastes like the sweetest flowers and the food you eat explode in your mouth and you want to savor every second of it to make it last the eternity that it has to so you never have to leave the sensational place you are in.
You taste the emotions in the air. No, really, you do. You can taste when there are fear and panic and you know how to fix it. You taste when there are joy and revelry and you join in with it. You taste everything and you want to participate in all of it because all life is simply a finite amount of infinite decisions based on what you may taste in the air.
Her kisses taste like the wonder I have been missing and it washes away the taste of regret and panic I have on my lips nearly constantly. Her love is a palatable thing that I swirl in my mouth like a fine red wine and it is also a rush that I shoot like my thirteenth Jameson of the night and telling the bartender to line them up over and over again. Secret tastes make the heart quake with perfect passion and your very spirit leave your body to try and find a way to make it never, ever, end.\
There are the wonderful senses of the body, but there is the mind. Oh, Goddess, the mind is the richest experience of all. Your entire mind gets rewritten when you’re in love to make you feel positive and wonderful things. Oxytocin fills your body and it is like you are being held nearly constantly and you get hooked on it and I am a fan of addiction no matter what anyone says about putting all of the eggs in one basket and all of the other sentiments that are similar to that. The mind knows what the body needs and the heart knows what the soul needs and when those two fuckers are in agreement you sit back and you do what they say because it is a ride of a goddamn lifetime and you need to take it, take the chance, accept the danger.
Accept. The. Danger.
I did, I do, I will.
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