Yeah, it is about this again. Go ahead and skip the fucking thing then.

My head is at a point this morning where I look for options I have not been able to use for a variety of reasons. Some of them financial and others purely because I am not up to that tier in the treatment plan.

See, there is this clusterfuck of hoops you need to jump through when you are diagnosed with migraines. They are all the same hoops for everyone, some people get to skip some because of severity or their wallet size however.

They normally start you with the triptan class. I, personally, have been on Sumatriptan (Imintrex) and Rizatriptan (Maxalt). They are abortives, which you can imagine, stop the migraine once it has started. I had absolutely no luck with these in the slightest and was quickly pushed to the next hoop in my little circus.

For me, the next hoop was the Ergotamine. It essentially constricts blood vessels in the brain, which, in theory, relieves pain. Not only did this not work, it had wicked side effects. Like not being able to wake up after 16 hours of sleep and weird things like chest pains and excessive facial hair growth, because I don’t have that already.

Plus, since this wasn’t boring enough to read, since I have crippling anxiety and generalized depressive disorder with a pretty slice of PTSD in addition to non-epileptic seizure disorder, there are WAY too many chemicals in my brain to begin with. Most of the pills they would have given me would have done things like stopped my heart or made my brain swell because of contraindications with other medications.

Fun!

Next is cocktail hour. They mix and match and play. Sometimes it is antihistamines, other times it is vasodilator, beta-blockers, anti-nausea, seizure and even PTSD medications. They give you them in varying strengths and combinations until they are convinced that your insurance won’t pay for them anymore they stop and then you get to go to, for me, the last step as of yet.

We have got to needles in the face period of the essay.

Botox.

Clostridium botulinum.

The most potent toxin known to mankind.

Where 1.3 fucking nanograms per kilogram is fatal.

As in a single kilogram would be enough to wipe humans from the face of the planet potent. Do the math, I’ll wait.

They shoot it into the temples, the neck, the shoulders, and forehead. It prevents the contractions of the muscles, theoretically stopping the migraine.

So no. That didn’t work either. I cried every time they gave it to me because the though of Botulism is pretty terrifying.

Then…

Well there is no then, I am here now.

I got fired by my neurologist for missing appointments because of the aforementioned anxiety and depression and now have to start with a new one. Again.

We will most likely start from the beginning to be sure, and at this point I am willing to be their bitch, I just want the pain to go from a 10 to an 8.

Maybe I am being too optimistic.

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