Take A Deep Breath

I Am The Asshole In The Room, So Now I Have To Fix it

it’s a funny thing, removing toxicity from your life. It can be a very tricky thing to do because you never know what is hidden behind things you have let sit for far too long. What pain you may cause yourself even as you are trying to save yourself from the people and situations you know you need to be removed from to be your best. I have been o a personal crusade for a while now, trying to empty my life of all of the negativity I can and I keep coming back to the same thing over and over again and, like the 8-year-old boy with ADD my brain often is, it did not occur to me that, as the adage goes, I am the asshole in the room.

I am not saying I am the source of all the negativity, no there are people who have been helping me on this great journey and they have confirmed my thoughts and feelings about people over and over again so I am not trying to say it is all my fault, I am just relaying that it is not all the fault of someone else either. I have to take personal responsibility for things that I haven’t. Oh, I have done the big things, the drugs and the depression, the violence and the wounds on my People I have inflicted, it is the small things, the insecurities that I twist into myself over and over again that make me less of the person I want to become and more of the person I have always been, and that is a situation that is just unacceptable.

For decades I have been shifting blame, assigning guilt, sidestepping responsibility and even outright avoiding massive things I do not want to deal with internally. No one lies to me the way I lie to me. I am pretty sure we all could say the same thing, yes? So I need to find a way to make that a thing of the past, and I think I have hit upon an idea that will assist me in that area and, well, that’s it. Telling you about it is meaningless as it is a thing that, by definition, I have to do myself after all, so I will spare you my self armchair psychiatry and tell you all that I hope it works and I will be reporting back on it in the near future.

Now, other things.

I plan to start writing again today, I took a bit of a break with the migraines last week and I am, while not fresh as a daisy by any stretch, ready to get back to the spin-off world of Vampires and Moon Beasts I am creating for all of my Gentle Readers. We will absolutely visit with Madame Victoria as well and, depending on time, possibly take a moment and check in on the Dark Goddess and see if she needs anything from the mere mortals we are. I am happy to write these because it is both my home field and people seem to genuinely like them.

So, all that being said, I am going to go get caffeinated a little more and see what mischief I can get into before I start all of these wonderful adventures here in a few hours.

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