Sometimes it is harder to pretend than other times. Sometimes you talk to people and you hope they lift you up and you let a thing slip here and there at the corner of the mask you are wearing and the horrors underneath show through a bit and they run away because it isn’t worth their time to try and see if that is really you, or simply what you are dealing with that day. It is a huge blow to everything I am when people I just expected to always be there walk away without a word and apparently brush me and the memories of me under the rug.
It sucks, why wouldn’t it?
Today is the opposite. Today is when I think everyone is better off without me no matter what the case or the truth of the matter is and it is infuriating to try and lie to myself to combat lying to myself. I have faith in very few people in the world and when they tell me a thing, I accept it as a fact and I cling to it like Kansas wheat in the tornado. I don’t let go or else I fall down into this place where I can’t believe anyone and I don’t ever want to be there again because I almost lost some of the people in my life who mean the absolute most to me.
yeah, I am kvetching, accept this or maybe get the fuck to somewhere else where they care what you feel about. I pay for this shit, so I will say what I want to say here and you motherfuckers who leave your sniping passive-aggressive comments I delete piss me off to the tenth-degree because you push the button you know is going to hurt the most. So, I guess we turn off the comments because it makes life easier on me that way.
yeah, I guess I am done.
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