Since I have not got much approval, or even traction, for my self-termination plan, I am going to go ahead and listen to a techno remix of Toccata and Fugue at insanely loud volumes to try and quiet the inner Bear. later I think I am going to sage my bedroom and try as hard as I can to remember how to assemble an altar the way I have in the past. After that, I will probably try and mentally accept the teachings of Frank Herbert vis-à-vis the Dune universe with emphasis on exponential self-growth rooted in internal desire and possibly psychotropic psychopharmaceutical interactions with enforced solitude and the freeing of an inner-worth based secondary, or perhaps tertiary personality to interface with the basics of the lizard Id and the haughtiness of the superego as described by Nietzsche.

I have never been particularly good at multitasking, I can, it is just infuriating to me to not have things in a form of ordered chaos. It is why each virtual desktop always runs the same programs, why I call my computers the same names and why I make a new email for every format. There is an order to the Chaos I find myself in most times and if I can find it I have discovered that I can very happily adapt to the situation and make sure the things I am supposed to produce are thusly manifested.

Overlong I have thought of where I might blend my unique perspective of psychology and vaguely remembered theological dogma. Outside of the rather obsolete form of cult leader that sadly is no longer as profitable monetarily, socially or even sexually as it used to be, I am either forced to abandon the thought altogether, which is not particularly distasteful, or to begin walking the streets wearing a placard and a loin-cloth telling people that the end is nigh and that they would be best suited for survival if they decided cannibalism wasn’t as abhorrent as western thinking makes it out to be.

Occultism, as seen through the eyes of people who view the occult as a type of pseudo-intellectual masturbation practiced by former employees of Hot Topic and soulful poets in need of a dark and forever damning patron, is a thing where people sit in the dark and chant things in rudimentary Latin or the so-called angelic language of Enochian, that was most likely invented by Edward Kelley when he was inhaling things that people of the later sixteenth century usually stayed away from completely or at least had the common sense to call themselves prophets or oracles because of.

This causes people who practice paganism of any stripe to be painted with a vast brush called Satanism that is ironic as the Church of Satan has nothing to do with the Judaeo-Christian angelic figure Lucifer, but rather lots of hedonistic self-expression and cultivation of personal power by disallowing those who would take from you to do that thing in any capacity. From the heady days of the Malleus Maleficarum to the modern televangelist, those practicing the purest of the spiritual avenues have been hounded, blamed and burned because the simplicity of an herbal poultice is proof in the eyes of those who seem to be believers that they are living in a world where perfection is not as easily prayed for as is thought of at first.

However, I have wandered into this particular minefield inadvertently and so I leave you with important words for a few very special people that hopefully read this and know it is meant for them.

Ama me fideliter, Fidem meam toto, Decorde totaliter, Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter, Absens in remota. Plus, since I promised my best friend I would never make her look up my Latin again, the English is “Love me faithfully, See how I am faithful, With all my heart and all my soul, I am with you, even though I am far away.”

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