Before anyone reads this, please be aware that it contains a discussion about physically abusive relationships. If that is an uncomfortable subject for you and you simply want to read the stories, please click here and you will be able to do precisely that.
I am writing this to bring to light the horrible and pervasive attitudes that people in the world have in regards to violence in relationships. I am not glorifying it or trying to give it a place of honor, merely dragging it from the shadows so that people can see the vileness of it and perhaps look at it with a less cavalier light.
Thank You for your understanding in this, and truly, I love you all.
No, not quite storytime, I am not done with that last part of what I was saying by a damn long shot yet.
I won’t fill your heads with my tales anymore, I have told them enough by now and if you do not know them, you either don’t me or you have had your head planted firmly in your ass while associating with me as I have no doubt told everything about myself to nearly anyone I have met for the last twenty years in the first few weeks of meeting them. See, that is my ancient mariner, I need to tell my tale so it won’t happen to anyone else. I need them to know I don’t need or want pity, I want you to understand that it is preventable.
I digressed there, didn’t I?
I have already got two messages in regards to what I wrote earlier that I am going to share with you, well, share the big bits and leave ambiguity as to the author of the words.
Firstly, we have a stereotypical violent male response.
“If a bitch ever comes at me like that, like she is something important again, I would put her on the floor before she knew different.” There is more but it devolves into things best left out of sight by those of us who are beyond the “sacrifice the soul to the Id” level of human development. I am going to break it down as I see it and, please, tell me if I am wrong my dear and loyal Gentle Readers.
For starters, we start with a derogatory remark. Now, while it is true that the word bitch can be assigned to any number of genders, the writer indicates later on in the sentence that the person he has physically assaulted in this scenario is indeed a person who identifies, or at least whom he identifies, as female. The derogatory remark shows that he has no interest in this person as a human being. They are an object designed for a purpose, one can easily imagine the purpose that he has designed internally for them without a great deal of imagination.
We follow the derogatory remark with an interesting set of word choices. Note his use of the word again, of course, meaning this person has engaged in this type of assault on a person before. However, almost more importantly is the use of the words “like she is something important”. Dehumanizing language is often a key to the mid of an abuser. If they make the person into a thing, an “It” if you will, then why should they care what they do? If the person they are assaulting is an “It”, “Its” do not have feelings or thoughts, they simply exist. Stripping away the humanity of the object of your terrorism and violence, in addition to making you a mockery of a human being and worthless in the eyes of society as a whole, allows the attacker to remove guilt from himself. Once again, an “It” would never be able to have thoughts and complex emotions, so the audacity of the “It” having accusatory words simply beggars belief in the mind of the assailant.
I think the first part of the next sentence, “I would put her on the floor” is self-explanatory, but in light of the lesson here, I will go ahead and get into it. First, he takes ownership of the act, choosing not to use pronoun heavy phrases like “she would be on the floor”, or “she would end up on the floor.” They WANT you to know that they are responsible for this, they NEED you to know that they did it, either for the fear factor they think it might have on you or for the sad people like them who would see this as a victory over a lesser being, worthy of praise and respect.
The end of the sentence is the most terrifying of all in a way. “Before she knew different”. Look at that sentence. He would strike this person, assault them and put them on the floor before any other action or words could be used. Their absolute first response would be instant and intense violence. I am not a psychoanalyst by any stretch, but it speaks volumes that they would choose the last-ditch action of most people for their opening gambit.
So let us combine all of this into a truly terrifying scenario that words alone will illustrate. He sees this woman as non-human, an “It”, a thing to be used for a purpose he has dictated it must serve. To this non-human entity he has created, he will happily and repeatedly engage in violence until the woman, or “It” to him, is on the floor, taken out of any scenario that would threaten who and what this subhuman stands for.
Take that in. This is a random commentator on a blog on the Internet. He knows nothing about me or mine and he would wantonly and proudly boast he would assault, over and over again, any woman who dared have the audacity to think they are anything but the “It” they have been designated in the eyes and mind of this social predator.
Forgive me if this seemed pedantic and arrogant in its presentation, I needed to make sure that I said precisely what I wanted to say. I also apologize to any abuse survivors who have read this and perhaps have seen some things that are parallel to their own lives. You have nothing but my support in your struggles and I am here for all who ask for assistance. It is not your fault, in any way whatsoever.
I was going to go into more thoughts, the second comment as well, but I think I have said more than enough on this subject for the day.
I love you all, so very much.
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