I spend a disproportionate amount of time that I am laying in my arctic cold bedroom thinking instead of sleeping. Mostly it is good things to be honest with you, albeit fanciful things that involve impossible scenarios with untouchable people. I say fanciful because I want to make sure I separate it from the obsessive thoughts I have about the mistakes I have made in my life and that kind of thing. Fanciful for people, obsessive for mistakes. We cool? Cool.

There is this game I play where I have somehow come into a nearly infinite supply of money and, kind of like how others count sheep, I spend as much of it as I can on other people before I finally succumb to the embrace of sleep, or I have to just get up because I have done this the entirety of the night and the day has attacked me with little or no regard for my desire for the dark of night to remain with me until I say it can leave.

If one wants to look at it from a purely psychiatric angle, it is probably not the best thought experiment to engage in because it puts thoughts into my head about impossible things that, even if I am not aware of it later, I am pretty sure I try to put a version of it into play in my life at some later point. Or, if you wanted to look at it from a purely human standpoint, you could say that I am doing what people should do with exorbitant amounts of excess wealth, and that is sharing it with as many as I can because it isn’t as if I can take it with me when I shuffle the mortal coil.

Maybe this is all a fever dream and I just need more coffee?

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