I didn’t sleep very well last night and instead of sitting on my bed staring into the whirling fan of my air conditioner that, yes, I still have on as snow melts outside my window, I decided that maybe I would come downstairs and do dad things like the dishes. I did those things and now here I am, sitting in front of my computer writing because that is what I do and that is what I love more than anything save people on an ever shrinking list.

There is football to watch today, so that is good. The Bills aren’t playing, so that is better. I can only put up a strong front about them for so long and then I just accept the inevitability of fate and remember there are 31 other teams in the league that are can be cheered for in a variety of positive and negative ways.

The Ducks go to school for two whole days next week before the break and it just occurred to be that while I was proactive and bought my turkey early, I neglected to by virtually every other thing for the holiday repast, and I should probably go and do that sooner rather than later. I do no want to have a death match with an Irish grandmother over the last ten pound bag of potatoes in the produce section of TOPS. Mostly because I would almost invariably lose that battle and force myself to walk home in shame as I failed my family and did not provide them with starchy goodness.

I have a really bad migraine right now, like, not fun on levels kind of bad. It is just below where I need to think about the entire shelf of drugs I have for these kind of things, none of which has proven effective, but there is always that hope that THIS TIME they will help and give me the relief I need. I need t believe this like crazy stupid people need to believe the Earth is flat.

I am rambling, but it solves the pain problem for a few seconds at a time if I give myself over to something else and make myself hyper focus on it. There is a Babeh Duck with me now, always the wonderful addition to any early morning excursion. He may be loud, but he is cute and that is a balm for a variety of sins to be sure. Plus, he constantly reminds me, as do my other two Ducks, that no matter what it is so very worth it at the end of the day.

My wedding anniversary to my Dove is Tuesday. We would have been married for fourteen years. I can still remember, nearly verbatim, the conversations we had in the days leading up to, and the day of, our wedding. There was never any fear or nerves, we had already lived together for a year at that point. I had been a father to her child and there was another one we just found out about on the way.

Excitement, it was excitement. We talked about the where and the if’s of things. We never did ninety percent of the things we said we would try, but life isn’t precisely fair now is it? The things we did get to do though, wow. We walked hand in hand through Notre-Dame Basilica in Montreal and for about an hour she got to see the priest I would have been come through as I explained Mass and all the other Catholic things around her. She got to walk me around the streets of Montreal, up Ste-Catherine and down President Kennedy. We smiled as we drove through Kansas and laughed as we took a train ride out of it. We were terrified together. We screamed at one another. We loved like explosions so vast you don’t even know you are standing inside of them.

I think now that I will go and smile into the upcoming sun of a Sunday morning, my youngest at my side and think sweet and happy thoughts.

Just a Bear thinking of his Dove while holding his Duck.

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