I turned forty the other day and, if I talk to you with any frequency, you know I was not a particular fan of this grand event. Don’t get me wrong, I am over it for the most part now and it sure as hell beats the alternative, right?

There is no wisdom I can convey to tell you how to be whatever emotion it is you want to be when you turn whatever age it is you are about to turn. I am here out of a combination of being arrested and going to jail, finding the right woman at last and dumb fucking luck. If you want to know how to do things, as someone who actually knows, or at least someone who would give you better guesses than I.

That is not to say I don’t have a few tips to get you from whatever number you are at to the next number you will be at. I am not going to bust into a rendition of Sunscreen or, for those of you old enough to appreciate it, We Didn’t Start The Fire.

So, in no particular order, here are the Bear’s Keys To Stuff and Things. ()

  • Drink a fuckton of water. If you need to lookup a fuckton, that is good, it means blind obedience isn’t your thing.
  • Don’t ever forget that even if you believe in reincarnation and know you will be back, this life is worth living to the fullest.
  • There is no such thing as a free anything.
  • Movie remakes are never better than the originals.
  • The books are always better if they came first.
  • Pizza is an art piece, use your imagination.
  • Sex feels good, so leave people alone who do it differently than you.
  • Hating people? Passe much bro?
  • Listen to scientists, the Horror movie industry got that right.
  • Lastly, and most importantly, love.

Yeah, it was stupid and cheesy and you know what, that is okay because I haven’t had a whole cup of coffee yet, so there.

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