It Is The Life Force After All

Yeah, I'm Dark!

I am listening to Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge. It is a delightful song to start your day if you haven’t tried it. Thankfully the Internet is full of awesome things that will let you experience this with very little effort at all. I am in a very narrow mindset this morning and I think this will help me exquisitely to get done what I think needs to get done. What is it that I want to get done before I disappear into the vast world of College Football at noon?

Blood.

I want to write about blood and death. I want to write about bathing in it and drinking it and fucking through it and every other thing you can think of. Will I? I have absolutely no idea, I am telling you what I want to get done, I am not a psychic by any stretch of even my imagination. I have felt the urge to go back to the preternatural lately, and while my beloved Siobhan and the new joy of Victoria will always be in the centerpiece, I was raised writing blood and darkness and despair. History and teeth and mashing and mixing legends from all over the world.

Other than that, it is going to be a chill day, I have a lot on my mind and I need to try and shovel some of it off.

Rawrz motherfuckers (Also gender-neutral, I may add)

Okay, So, Maybe It Took Me An Entire Day, But I Am Back And The Demons Are Ready To Come Out And Shatter Your View Of The Way Writing Should Be.

Gentle Bear

Greetings My Gentle Readers,

 

Yes, I am back to calling everyone who reads my blog that for one big reason. Let us say that you do not identify as male or female and I say “Ladies and Gentleman”, I refuse to exclude anyone from my writing, unless maybe they’re a Nazi, and then they can go away. I want all people to feel welcome to my writing because, to me, it is like letting you into my home, messy grammar and bad plot lines included. If you walked into my home and I ignored your gender pronouns, you may just tell me to take the long walk off the short pier yes? Call me out on that shit if you notice me slipping up. I use genders below because I am absolutely positive the pronouns are correct, otherwise I will be using hey from this point on.

Today will be a heavy writing day. I have to get back to Siobhan, Victoria, James and Elisabet, maybe the good people in The Assemblage, some new stuff maybe, but, before we traipse down my rather dark hallways of fiction,i need to talk about something here. I need to do it here because if I talk about it in the place it originated, i would be disrespecting someone I love so very much.

In essence, it is not okay to be violent against your partner.

I know that a lot of you are reading that and saying no shit, but apparently there is a rather significant subsection of the population who feel that striking their partner, regardless of the gender identity of either party, is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with the escalation of an argument.

No.

Story Time from Gentle Bear.

My ex-wife, the woman who jaded my view on women for a decade, tried to kill me. She didn’t try to shoot me, no. She stabbed me in the left shoulder, tried to make me think the smell from my cereal was not the bleach she put in it and tried to run over me with the car that I had just bought for her hours before.

I never hit her. Some “men” might be saying that if it was them they would have done some degree of violence to her in order to, I don’t know, show their dick size or something. No, that isn’t the way it works.

You walk away. You defend yourself if you need to, I’m not saying don’t stop a punch or, in my case, mitigate the wound depth by grabbing her arm before the knife was all the way in. Then I walked away.

It’s never okay, I don’t care what argument you come to me with, it is never okay.

Over-Communication, Kids Being Home, and Knowing You Are Loved and Adored No Matter What Your Traitor Brain May Tell You To The Contrary

Overcommunicate

Now that I have the house back to myself, a cup of coffee to warm up the hands and a moment to think, writing for the day can commence. An FYI for all of my Dear Gentle Readers out there, I am going to write a lot today and will be spamming your Facebook and Twitter feeds for a chunk of the day. I am not sorry for it, I just wanted to let you know it was going to happen should you want to mute me for a bit or something, I totally understand I assure you.

So, I fell down the stairs the other day. It’s not that big a deal as I do it at least once a week because this house was designed for persons of smaller stature than myself, and not weight, I mean height. Some of the door frames are barely six feet and, well, I am a little past that, to say the least. I was trying to be careful too. I was walking slowly and all of a sudden I was looking up at the ceiling with a very severe opinion of the construction of the staircase floating around my brain. I am alright mind you, bruised up a little, but nothing too terrible. The worst part is that deep tissue pain that takes forever to go away,it is not particularly pleasant. However seeing as we are going on a week now, it has subsided to practically nothing.

I took Sunday off because I had company at the house, Monday the kids were all home and yesterday I kept the wee lads home because I am a masochist. There is a lot of writing to catch up on and I think it will be a nice day. I may not write a lot as in a lot of different posts, but the posts themselves will be a great deal longer if my brain can make that happen. I am not a fan of diving a thing for the sake of dividing it, so there will be some whoppers out there today I think. Plus, since I keep setting alarms on my phone that I need to write something new, I am going to do that, well I am going to kind of do that. It will make sense, to me at least, when I start it so there is that to consider. I will see what comes out of the brainpan and hopefully.

So, here is the meat of this one.

I have always thought I am a good communicator. I have thought that if nothing else I over-communicate my wants and needs to the other party, but I have been put in a position the last week or so where I no longer feel that this is the case. I have been casting doubt on everything I say, to others or even myself, questioning whether or not it was the right thing to say, in the right tone, at the right time, etc. I know I have a massive inferiority complex, that was drilled into me as a kid so I truly don’t believe I deserve good things, however, I know it is a fallacy so at least it gives me a toehold in the real world to try and change that line of thought, although truthfully I am not sure it could ever be removed completely. So, as my wise best friend told me, some times I have an issue saying what I need, but it is because of the aforementioned inferiority complex. If I do not think I deserve a thing, I refuse to ask for it, it is a vicious circle and I am working feverishly to break that logic loop and make new pathways to things that make a tad more sense to all parties involved.

Now, do I make the changes in how I deal with the complex or do I ignore the complex as best I can and push through it by asking for things, even though it will be a bitter thing to say based on how I feel at my core? Do I rob Peter to pay Paul? It is a thing I need to think about a great deal more before I will have a dynamic plan of action to be sure. Thankfully when you are me and all you do is think, it will be a process I can begin with gusto, well, I already have begun it to tell you the truth. What you just read are my thoughts on the matter thus far. Not a great deal, but enough to say that I have begun ad that there are pieces in motion that will better the whole, one way or the other, before the end of the fight ahead.

I am in need of more coffee I think, my brain is slowing down and that is just not a way I want to live my life today, so I will caffeinate to the highest degree I can before I get to the panic attacks and the migraine from that alone and I will see you on the other side of all of that with some decent fiction if nothing else and, I mean, since I never shut up at all I can almost guarantee you that there will be another thought-based, thinky thought, feelings for all of the world to see post coming before the end of the day.

Oh yeah, one last thing, I love you, you are cared for a cherished and needed and wanted and desired and you are the best you that you can be this moment because you are trying. SO. HARD. You are allowed to breathe, to break, to fail. I will never love you less for it, in fact, I will love you more because you had the courage to stand back up and do what must be done to get you to the place you want to be at.

RAWRZ

A Minute Of Your Time Is All I Will Need

This is me, JameyBear

A little something today, but I am going to take the day off to prepare for the snowstorm and all that. I don’t really care that we are getting a foot of the delightful magic cold powder, but apparently it is a thing for other people so I will respect their feelings and not frolic in it naked just right now. I can never promise I will not, I will promise to give it the ol’ college try and see what happens at the end of the day.

I have very strong feelings about this holiday we celebrate today, however, the air pressure dropping with the rapidity that it is currently preventing me from elucidating on the subject matter as I would like and I will write soon how the Bear, the pacifist of pacifists, loves all who have or will serve. Reasons you will suspect, and others you may raise an eyebrow at or the like.

However, my loves, that is for a day that is not today, I am going to go and do the things and prepare and all of those things people in the cold places do before cold places events.

RAWRZ

Love Your Way Through Life And When You Are Ready To Pass To The Next You Know You Will Have Lived Your Best Possible Existence

Not Always Dark

I have no idea why I am up so early on a Saturday morning, and I am okay with it really because I have some things I want to get done today anyway and he morning is just as good a time as any other to get them done, or at least started. I had a decent enough night of sleep and I think I will remain in human form for the majority of the day because of it.

Yesterday I told you to love, and today I am going to tell you why, to me, love is the best word in the history of creation. Mind you, I may have been up for a while now, but I am still pre-caffeine so be gentle when you analyze this for the inevitable mistakes that I will pepper herein, I am but a simple Bear after all.

Chemicals. That is what some will tell you about love. They will go on about Oxytocin and neuropeptides. They are not wrong in the slightest. Please, scientists extraordinaire do not think I am pissing on your profession and you personally when I go into love being more than a molecule, not that I think most of you boil all human love emotions that far down.

I tell people all the time that I am in love with being in love. I love that feeling of being wrapped in the heart of another and finding the wonderful things about them that only people who are in love with one another tend to find out. I am not perfect however and I am aware that fall in love, well, pretty much instantly if a set of variables are met. I don’t mean third date fall in love, I mean the third sentence fall in love.

The language you see, language is what tugs at my heart. I listen to how you say the words, I watch how your mouth forms the words. Inflection and tone, pitch and speed. I never judge anyone for them, so please don’t think I am that kind of pretentious, I just love it see. It doesn’t matter your gender or your age if you trip all of the triggers, I am going to fall in love with you a little bit and there is very little I can do about it I have learned.

Enough of me.

Love is the ultimate expression of a human being. It shows that we are capable, nay that we are responsible, for caring for another human being more than we care for ourselves. Romantic, Platonic, Filial, all love is this exact principle. You have to let go of the ego and allow that painful and obvious vulnerability come into the discussion because only then, with your walls down tot he ground and your eyes wide open to the wonders of the Universe can you look into the eyes of that person and see that ultimate reciprocation of what you feel for them.

A little deep for a Saturday morning? Maybe, let me rephrase then.

Be happy, be happy and make other people happy.

That’s it.

RAWRZ