Wander Aimless If You Must You Fuck, Stay Far Away From Me and Mine Or I Will Eviscerate You However

Vermilion Queen

I speak in verses, prophecies, and curses – Otep Shamaya

—-

The Vermilion Queen comes to those who do not believe. She talks to those who do as old friends and compliments them on the openness of their minds. Her visage never changes to those who understand that She is an intangible abstract. A theoretical metaphor, a whisper in a screaming field of shrieking children. She is where your shadow goes in the noonday sun and the absence of warmth when the full moon rides high in the sky and the wolves bay their mournful worship. No one speaks of Her, everyone thinks of Her. Everyone knows Her, no one knows Her true name. They do violence in Her name and scream at other pacifists to do the same so that She is honored. Never once will the truth be discovered because a lie is the aberration of the standard morality of a deviant society claiming to be altruistic.

The Tarot will dance around you and when the Ten of Swords draws itself over and you leak like a metal colander, know that all you needed to do was believe in Her, or at least do Her the kindness of lying to everyone you knew about believing in Her, you like to them about everything else, why wouldn’t you just keep up a trending behavior? Can you not simply not just babble in incessantly about the wonder of the Circus as your death screams ricochet off of walls made by your malevolence and avarice of spirit?

Judge me not for seeking to find Her in the wastelands of what you left me to work with. I am not the one who deceives everyone by trying to fit the camel through the eye of a needle smaller than the eye can see. I am not the one who discards that which should HAVE BEEN HELD THE TIGHTEST to their bosom. No, I am the one who will search for Her, who will wander until the end of the world to see if I can find a hint of a rumor of the legend of the myth of Her. You will stop your shuffling soon and drop into the perdition you set up for yourself so long ago that you think it preordained by a King that has not been ruling since long before the Queen or the filth of you, was even a distant hope in a twinkling eye.

So as I sit for a moment to catch my breath and refill the blood of my heart with the fight that it needs to continue, you will be aimless, hopeless, heartless and worthless and that will make the job of the Queen so much easier.

Expect Her soon, fool. So very soon.

I Am The Asshole In The Room, So Now I Have To Fix it

Take A Deep Breath

it’s a funny thing, removing toxicity from your life. It can be a very tricky thing to do because you never know what is hidden behind things you have let sit for far too long. What pain you may cause yourself even as you are trying to save yourself from the people and situations you know you need to be removed from to be your best. I have been o a personal crusade for a while now, trying to empty my life of all of the negativity I can and I keep coming back to the same thing over and over again and, like the 8-year-old boy with ADD my brain often is, it did not occur to me that, as the adage goes, I am the asshole in the room.

I am not saying I am the source of all the negativity, no there are people who have been helping me on this great journey and they have confirmed my thoughts and feelings about people over and over again so I am not trying to say it is all my fault, I am just relaying that it is not all the fault of someone else either. I have to take personal responsibility for things that I haven’t. Oh, I have done the big things, the drugs and the depression, the violence and the wounds on my People I have inflicted, it is the small things, the insecurities that I twist into myself over and over again that make me less of the person I want to become and more of the person I have always been, and that is a situation that is just unacceptable.

For decades I have been shifting blame, assigning guilt, sidestepping responsibility and even outright avoiding massive things I do not want to deal with internally. No one lies to me the way I lie to me. I am pretty sure we all could say the same thing, yes? So I need to find a way to make that a thing of the past, and I think I have hit upon an idea that will assist me in that area and, well, that’s it. Telling you about it is meaningless as it is a thing that, by definition, I have to do myself after all, so I will spare you my self armchair psychiatry and tell you all that I hope it works and I will be reporting back on it in the near future.

Now, other things.

I plan to start writing again today, I took a bit of a break with the migraines last week and I am, while not fresh as a daisy by any stretch, ready to get back to the spin-off world of Vampires and Moon Beasts I am creating for all of my Gentle Readers. We will absolutely visit with Madame Victoria as well and, depending on time, possibly take a moment and check in on the Dark Goddess and see if she needs anything from the mere mortals we are. I am happy to write these because it is both my home field and people seem to genuinely like them.

So, all that being said, I am going to go get caffeinated a little more and see what mischief I can get into before I start all of these wonderful adventures here in a few hours.

Full Stop. Deep Breath. Observe. Note. Contemplate. Continue.

Me!!!

Have you ever just had to stop. Your thoughts, even your breathing, and catch up with yourself? I just got off the phone and that is what me writing this is, it is me catching up with myself on some areas I am woefully lagging in. Nothing bad my Gentle Readers, but things I should not be behind in in my estimation.

No, no I won’t explain that.

I am going to write about vampires instead, and faeries, maybe a werewolf if anyone is interested. See, I have all of White Wolf’s published library. All of it. The entire World of Darkness. It is nowhere near a perfect gaming system and to any of you who have played either the TTRPG, LARP or even the video games based on it, you will surely agree. However, it is a foundational thing that I want to build on without copying. A place where I want characters to live without making them mealymouthed copies of what already exists there. I have every intention of heavily borrowing on terms of structure and the like, it is my least favorite thing to write, so having that means that these will be easier to write and I can be a tad more prolific about it all. Sometimes it is about quantity until you reach a point where you can safely depend upon quality to get you to the finish line.

So that is a thing that will be very quickly rolling out. That s not to say I will be neglecting the lovely Victoria and Siobhan by any measure, hush your mouth with that nonsense talk now. I talked to Mama and she is okay being a vampire for a little while, most people would say the same thing I think.

There are a lot of planes in the air today, I know where most of them are going, but there are a few really wild flights that just took off, so I will have to take a good and hard look at those and make sure they don’t go places where I would rather them not go. I will reach out to the people I need to reach out to, I know they can help me a great deal in this. I will muddle a bit first though, I don’t want them to think I refuse to do any of the work myself.

So yeah,

RAWRZ

Vampires, Migraines and Writing. A Normal Saturday I Suppose

Mood

.Worry not, Thankfulness is not over, I just need a day or two to compile thoughts into a coherent form, until then, you get the normal inane blathering that I give you and that should slake the blood lust raising from the coiled beast within that threatens to violate the tenants of the Masquerade and bring the full force of the Camarilla as they order your final death.

Sorry, I have been reading my White Wolf library and Vampire: The Masquerade was this morning’s selection. I mean, it is pretty words I suppose but there is a certain substance to the whole thing that is missing to the thing, on the whole, however, that is a conversation for the three people in the world who may care about my feelings on that matter.

I do hope all of the Gentle Readers out there had a pleasant holiday, I am still enjoying the being able to wake up after a quarter to four thing. Although I was up before then today, then again I also went to bed at six last night because my brain was rebelling again. It is calmed somewhat, if not gone. The Excedrin Migraine certainly helps a little, even though it butchers my stomach something awful if I take it without food. Mind you, as I write this I am taking it with a large cup of coffee and no food, so just because I know I should not does not mean that I will not.

The little folk are up and ranging about, I have already written about a story about the darkness that is in Prague’s Old Town. I am drinking coffee, college football is later and, no matter what my brain tells me, it is indeed not Sunday, but instead the day before that, Saturn’s Day.

I think I will write some fictional things today. Siobhan was spoken of yesterday, but only in passing and she is not a fan of being a secondary character in anyone’s story. I will punch myself in the head and see what other goodies come out and see if they are worthy of writing down.

I guess, for now, I will go back to pretending I care what my computer looks like and clicking on links that may or may not lead to the eventual deletion of all my worldly data stores.

Rawrz

A Delay It Is My Precious, Nothing More

Me!!!

Hello, My Gentle Readers,

You may have noticed a lack of a Thankfulness post today. I want to explain why because I did have every intention of getting it done, and it will still get done in the near future.

My Elder Duck came up from the basement last night and told me that there was water all over the floor and it was coming from the water heater.

Shit, not again.

Yes, yes it turned out, again was precisely what happened.

For the second time in about six months, the hot water heater had sprung a leak, this time from the bottom as opposed to the top, however.

Thankfully we have recently completed a vast cleansing of the basement area and there was nothing ruined by the water.

The landlord was called, the unit replaced and I am waiting for it to warm up as we speak.

So, my spoon quotient has been a little low today and I just don’t have it in me.

Tomorrow is the holiday and with the exception of a very few people, I will be radio silent all day.

Until Friday, you know you are awesome and loved and I will talk to you then.

RAWRZ!