The Chronicle Of Caine – Part 1

“Does Time have meaning when you came before it? Does Death have a purpose when you were the first in all of Creation to cause it, save that who Created all? Most importantly, however, what is Morality when you are that which decides what the words right and wrong shall mean?” – Caine

Abel. he who was the first part of all my joy. The sweetest, the strongest. I was first born, I broke the earth with sharpness and planted the first seeds to grown, tended them and watched them grow to fruit and blossom. Able was second born, tended to those creations that Him Above had made and assisted them in their bloody births, fed them of that which I tended and watched them grow there, in the Land Of Nod, where the Light of Paradise shone and filled the sky.

One day, one day our father came to us and said unto us “Caine, Abel, to Him Above you must make sacrifice, a gift of the first part of all that you have. I, Caine, first born, gathered tender shoots, brightest fruits and the sweetest grass. Abel, second born Abel, slaughtered the youngest, the strongest, the sweetest of his animals. On the altar of our Father we laid our sacrifices to Him Above and put them to the torch, we watched the smoke rise higher and higher to the One Above.

The sacrifice of the second born Abel smelled sweet to the One Above and He blessed Abel. I, first born Caine, was struck from beyond by a curse and a harsh word for my sacrifice was deemed unworthy. I looked at the sacrifice of Abel, still smoking, the flesh, the blood and I cried, I held my eyes and I prayed in the night and in the day.

When Father came to us again and said that the time for sacrifice had come again, Abel brought his youngest, his sweetest, his most beloved to the sacrificial fire. I did not bring my youngest, my sweetest, to the fire for I knew the One Above would not accept them. My brother Abel said unto me “Caine, you did not bring a sacrifice, a gift of the first part of your joy, to burn at the altar of the One Above.”

I, with tears of love in my eyes, took sharp things and sacrificed that which was the first part of my joy, my brother.

The Blood of Abel covered the Altar and smelled sweet as it burned, but my father said “Cursed are you Caine, who killed your brother. As I was cast out so shall you be.” I was then exiled into the Darkness, to wander in the land Of Nod. I flew into the Darkness and I aw no source of Light and I was afraid, and I was alone.

I was alone in the Darkness and I grew Hungry.
I was alone in the Darkness and I grew Cold.
I was alone in the Darkness and I cried.

Then came to me a sweet voice. A voice who’s words were of honey. Words of succor, words of surcease spoke she. A woman Dark and Lovely, with eyes that pierced the Darkness, came to me.

“I know your story, Caine of Nod.”
“You are Hungry, come I have food!”
“You are Cold, come I have Warmth!”
“You are Sad, come I have Comfort!”

“I am your Fathers first wife, who disagreed with the One Above and gained Freedom in the Darkness.”

“I am Lilith”

Once I was Cold, and there was no warmth for me.
Once I was Hungry, and there was no food for me.
Once I was Sad, and there was no comfort for me.

She took me in, She fed me, She clothed me.

In her arms I found comfort. I cried until blood trickled from my eyes and She kissed all of the tears away.

And I dwelt for a time, there in the House of Lilith and I asked her questions that I know that she had never been asked before.

“Out of Darkness, how did you build this place?”
“How did you make clothes?”
“How did you grow food?”

Lilith smiled at me with a softness and said that unlike me, she was Awake. She saw the Threads that spun all around you. She made that which She needed out of Power.

“Awaken me, then, Lilith,” I implored.

“I have need for this Power. Then, I can make my own clothes, make my own food, make my own House.”

Worry creased across Lilith’s brow as I asked this of Her.

“I do not know what the Awakening will do for you, for you are truly Cursed by your Father, the One Above.”

“You could die.”
“You could forever be changed.”

I said, “Even so, a life without Power will not be worth living. I would die without your gifts. I will not, I can not, live as your Thrall.”

Lilith loved me very much, and I knew this.
Lilith would do what I asked, though she did not wish it.

So, Lilith, bright-eyed Lilith, Awakened me. She cut herself with a knife and bled for me into a bowl. I drank deep.

It was sweet, so much sweeter than anything and everything that I had ever drunk until that very moment. I then fell into the Abyss.

I fell forever, falling into the deepest darkness, past that which none before me, or those that came after, had or ever would fall.

From the Darkness came a bright, shining Light, a fire in the Night of the Land Of Nod. In this fire the Archangel Michael revealed Himself to me and I, unafraid, asked him what his business was with me.

Michale, General Of Heaven, wielder of the Holy Flame, said unto me, “Son of Adam, Son of Eve, thy crime is great, and yet the Mercy of my Father is even greater. Will you not repent this evil that you have done and let his mercy wash you clean?”

I said then to Micheal, “Not by the One Above’s grace, but mine own, will I live, in pride.

Michael cursed me then. “Then, for as long as you walk this Earth, you and your children will live in fear of my living flame, and it will bite deep and savor your flesh.”

In the morning, on lambent wings, Raphael came. Light over the horizon, the driver of the Sun, ward of the East.

Raphael spoke, “Caine, Son of Adam. Son of Eve. Your brother Abel forgives you your sin, will you not repent and accept the mercy of the Almighty?”

I said to Raphael, “Not by Abel’s forgiveness, but mine own will I be forgiven.”

Raphael cursed me then. “Then for as long as you walk this Earth, you and your children will fear the Dawn, and the suns rays will seek to burn you like fire where ever you hide always. Hide now for the Sun rises to take it’s wrath on you.”

I found a place deep in the Earth, and hid from the burning light of the Sun. Deep in the Earth I slept until the Light of the world was hidden behind the mountain of Night.

When I awoke from my sweep I heard the gentle rustling of wings and saw I saw the black wings of Uriel draped around me. Uriel, reaper, angel of Death, dark Uriel who dwells in Darkness.

Uriel spoke to me quietly, saying “Son of Adam. Son of Eve. God Almighty has forgiven your sin. Will you accept his mercy and let me take you to your reward, no longer cursed?”

I said unto Uriel “Not by God’s mercy, but my own, will I live. I am what I am, I did what I did, and that will never change.”

Then, through dread Uriel, God Almighty cursed me, saying. “Then, for as long as you walk this earth, you and your children will cling to Darkness.”

“You will drink only blood, You will eat only ashes. You will be always as you were at death, Never dying, living on. You will walk forever in Darkness, all you touch will crumble into nothing, until the last days.”

I gave a cry of anguish at this terrible curse and tore at my flesh. I wept blood.
I caught the tears in a cup and drank them.

“Does Time have meaning when you came before it? Does Death have a purpose when you were the first in all of Creation to cause it, save that who Created all? Most importantly, however, what is Morality when you are that which decides what the words right and wrong shall mean?” – Caine

Abel. he who was the first part of all my joy. The sweetest, the strongest. I was first born, I broke the earth with sharpness and planted the first seeds to grown, tended them and watched them grow to fruit and blossom. Able was second born, tended to those creations that Him Above had made and assisted them in their bloody births, fed them of that which I tended and watched them grow there, in the Land Of Nod, where the Light of Paradise shone and filled the sky.

One day, one day our father came to us and said unto us “Caine, Abel, to Him Above you must make a sacrifice, a gift of the first part of all that you have. I, Caine, firstborn, gathered tender shoots, brightest fruits, and the sweetest grass. Abel, second-born Abel, slaughtered the youngest, the strongest, the sweetest of his animals. On the altar of our Father, we laid our sacrifices to Him Above and put them to the torch, we watched the smoke rise higher and higher to the One Above.

The sacrifice of the second-born Abel smelled sweet to the One Above and He blessed Abel. I, firstborn Caine, was struck from beyond by a curse and a harsh word for my sacrifice was deemed unworthy. I looked at the sacrifice of Abel, still smoking, the flesh, the blood and I cried, I held my eyes and I prayed in the night and in the day.

When Father came to us again and said that the time for sacrifice had come again, Abel brought his youngest, his sweetest, his most beloved to the sacrificial fire. I did not bring my youngest, my sweetest, to the fire for I knew the One Above would not accept them. My brother Abel said unto me “Caine, you did not bring a sacrifice, a gift of the first part of your joy, to burn at the altar of the One Above.”

I, with tears of love in my eyes, took sharp things and sacrificed that which was the first part of my joy, my brother.

The Blood of Abel covered the Altar and smelled sweet as it burned, but my father said “Cursed are you Caine, who killed your brother. As I was cast out so shall you be.” I was then exiled into the Darkness, to wander in the land Of Nod. I flew into the Darkness and I saw no source of Light and I was afraid, and I was alone.

I was alone in the Darkness and I grew Hungry.
I was alone in the Darkness and I grew Cold.
I was alone in the Darkness and I cried.

Then came to me a sweet voice. A voice who’s words were of honey. Words of succor, words of surcease spoke she. A woman Dark and Lovely, with eyes that pierced the Darkness, came to me.

“I know your story, Caine of Nod.”
“You are Hungry, come I have food!”
“You are Cold, come I have Warmth!”
“You are Sad, come I have Comfort!”

“I am your Fathers first wife, who disagreed with the One Above and gained Freedom in the Darkness.”

“I am Lilith”

Once I was Cold, and there was no warmth for me.
Once I was Hungry, and there was no food for me.
Once I was Sad, and there was no comfort for me.

She took me in, She fed me, She clothed me.

In her arms I found comfort. I cried until blood trickled from my eyes and She kissed all of the tears away.

And I dwelt for a time, there, in the House of Lilith and I asked her questions that I know that she had never been asked before.

“Out of Darkness, how did you build this place?”
“How did you make clothes?”
“How did you grow food?”

Lilith smiled at me with a softness and said that unlike me, she was Awake. She saw the Threads that spun all around you. She made that which She needed out of Power.

“Awaken me, then, Lilith,” I implored.

“I have the need for this Power. Then, I can make my own clothes, make my own food, make my own House.”

Worry creased across Lilith’s brow as I asked this of Her.

“I do not know what the Awakening will do for you, for you are truly Cursed by your Father, the One Above.”

“You could die.”
“You could forever be changed.”

I said, “Even so, a life without Power will not be worth living. I would die without your gifts. I will not, I can not live as your Thrall.”

Lilith loved me very much, and I knew this.
Lilith would do what I asked, though she did not wish it.

So, Lilith, bright-eyed Lilith, Awakened me. She cut herself with a knife and bled for me into a bowl. I drank deep.

It was sweet, so much sweeter than anything and everything that I had ever drunk until that very moment. I then fell into the Abyss.

I fell forever, falling into the deepest darkness, past that which none before me, or those that came after, had or ever would fall.

From the Darkness came a bright, shining Light, a fire in the Night of the Land Of Nod. In this fire, the Archangel Michael revealed Himself to me and I, unafraid, asked him what his business was with me.

Michale, General Of Heaven, wielder of the Holy Flame, said unto me, “Son of Adam, Son of Eve, thy crime is great, and yet the Mercy of my Father is even greater. Will you not repent this evil that you have done and let his mercy wash you clean?”

I said then to Micheal, “Not by the One Above’s grace, but mine own, will I live, in pride.

Michael cursed me then. “Then, for as long as you walk this Earth, you and your children will live in fear of my living flame, and it will bite deep and savor your flesh.”

In the morning, on lambent wings, Raphael came. Light over the horizon, the driver of the Sun, ward of the East.

Raphael spoke, “Caine, Son of Adam. Son of Eve. Your brother Abel forgives you your sin, will you not repent and accept the mercy of the Almighty?”

I said to Raphael, “Not by Abel’s forgiveness, but mine own will I be forgiven.”

Raphael cursed me then. “Then for as long as you walk this Earth, you and your children will fear the Dawn, and the sun’s rays will seek to burn you like fire where ever you hide always. Hide now for the Sun rises to take its wrath on you.”

I found a place deep in the Earth and hid from the burning light of the Sun. Deep in the Earth, I slept until the Light of the world was hidden behind the mountain of Night.

When I awoke from my sweep I heard the gentle rustling of wings and saw I saw the black wings of Uriel draped around me. Uriel, reaper, Angel of Death, dark Uriel who dwells in Darkness.

Uriel spoke to me quietly, saying “Son of Adam. Son of Eve. God Almighty has forgiven your sin. Will you accept his mercy and let me take you to your reward, no longer cursed?”

I said unto Uriel “Not by God’s mercy, but my own, will I live. I am what I am, I did what I did, and that will never change.”

Then, through dread Uriel, God Almighty cursed me, saying. “Then, for as long as you walk this earth, you and your children will cling to Darkness.”

“You will drink only blood, You will eat only ashes. You will be always as you were at death, Never dying, living on. You will walk forever in Darkness, all you touch will crumble into nothing, until the last days.”

I gave a cry of anguish at this terrible curse and tore at my flesh. I wept blood.
I caught the tears in a cup and drank them.

Welcome Me Back To The Light, By Coming With Me To The World Of Darkness

I was greatly influenced by White Wolf Publishing’s World Of Darkness and all of its assorted and prolific issue. Indeed I was a Live Action Role Player for a time, as the books were indeed designed with that purpose, however, mostly it is the rich mythology and world-building of the White Wolf universe that left me in awe. They truly went from Creation to the modern-day and other than their slivers of fantasy, they left the majority of the world alone so you could suspend belief just enough that what you were reading wasn’t the babbling of an idiot with too much Whiskey in them for the day.

There has been this itch in my head for weeks now to write something sprawling, interconnected, yet nestled safely in a known vector. Late last night, as I was laying in bed struggling to sleep, the World of Darkness popped into my mind unbidden and I was convinced that I had found precisely what I had been looking for this entire time. Then, as happens when we find the golden thread in the center of the labyrinth, we run as fast as we can with it until we free ourselves of the maze.

That being said, I have decided that I am essentially going to rewrite the birth of the World Of Darkness. This entails the birth and betrayal of Caine (the World Of Darkness adds the e), the formation of the First and Second Cities, the origin of the Clans, all of it. It is an easy write because I have all the source material, so research is a minimal thing and the enjoyment is epic, so my Return of Investment is nearly perfect. The fact that I am not going to do them in any particular time frame makes it even easier. Once a day? Three a week? I don’t know. I just know I am going to get them all done.

Today is a different day than yesterday. Before you all roll your eyes and make the obvious jokes regarding days following one another, maybe hear me out a little bit and curb the acerbic remarks that are internally done to their designated cooking times.

These last few weeks have been immensely hard for me.

An ending to a relationship that I did not see ending, the anniversary of the death and the birthday of my late wife, the coronavirus, civil unrest, fighting family, having to actually say the sentence “…but the Aryan Brotherhood isn’t supposed to be your friends..”, a lot of shit went down and is still going down and my brain is using this little side project as a way to direct the energy that would be put towards the toxic people in my life and soul away and into something that, if nothing else, gives me a sense of joy and accomplishment.

So, yeah, it’s different.

I have the energy I haven’t had in weeks because I had a talk with a dear friend yesterday that reaffirmed my faith in the Goddess Herself and the intended consequences of supposed randomness.

So I will take a break for a few hours, play with my kids, take care of the literal and metaphorical housecleaning that needs to be done and when you next read things here you will enter into the World of Darkness with me and take the first steps into a broader truth.

I Couldn’t Say Nothing, I Wanted To, I Did, I Just Can’t

You would have been thirty-nine today. You would have been surrounded by love and happiness and jokes and booze and all manner of debaucheries. I was going to sit and write this immense thing, a tell-all of things that would make people love you even more than they already do as if that were possible.

In the end, though, I won’t, because today I want to keep you and the memories I have of you to myself, just for one day. I share you with everyone because they NEED to know how wonderful you were. Today, however, I keep you and the memories that go with this day in years past to myself.

Tomorrow we will share you once again love.

Randomness

I don’t really have the drive, desire, or spoons available to write anything at night normally. I always just want to lie down and let my throbbing head throb in the cold and dark of my bedroom. However, a thought occurred to me tonight.

I was watching John Oliver, a episode he did a few weeks back about police reform, and it occurred to me that I used to live in Los Angeles, California. Now when I say I lived in Los Angeles, I don’t mean that I lived in the suburbs, we lived downtown for a couple of years.

I remember the LAPD driving around, handing all of us baseball cards. I’m assuming it was some community outreach thing, or maybe it was just a really nice cop that I just don’t happen to remember seeing constantly. What I do remember, is what was on the back of the baseball cards instead of the statistics that I loved, and still do love, to look at.

What I saw there, was a random police officer, it would give his likes, dislikes, a little like a basic interview format. Nothing important, nothing big.

Except, it kind of was.

Now I’ll be the first one to admit that I could be misremembering this entire thing, but when you are, as I was at the time, five to eight years old, you are highly susceptible to education and propaganda. Your brain is a motherfucking sponge that absorbs information more than life itself. It’s why you start school at that age, it’s why a lot of development happens all at once around that age.

So, I’m sitting here 35 years later realizing that they were handing us baseball cards with the baseball player that we all idolized on one side and an LAPD officer on the other. Now, call me a little jaded my old age, but I have a feeling that we were supposed to associate one with the other.

I may be talking out of my ass here, I understand that, I recognize that.

I remember my favorite baseball player when I was a kid was Eddie Murray. Eddie Murray played first base for the Dodgers and he was my fucking hero. We used to chant his name when we went up to Chavez Ravine to watch the Dodgers play live,and when he did anything, every kid in the goddamn stadium would go insane.

I’m not going to say that I remember the name of the police officer that was on the back of his card, but I remember it was a very tall white guy, and the reason I remember he was very tall, was because he was standing next to his police car, and the roof of it had to have hit him just about at the waist, again childhood embellishment notwithstanding.

So, were the children of the Los Angeles Police Department’s area of influence brainwashed to believe that the hero’s they saw in baseball players should be associated with those who protect and serve?

I am not smart enough to answer this question, I am just the old guy laying in bed with a migraine who had an idea and likes to write in a little blog.

Question everything Gentle Readers, nothing is for free, not even a baseball card.

It Is A Duty, Not A Privilege

Today is one of my favorite days to live in the country I live in. It is a day where I, the simplest man among millions can go and cast a vote to decide the fate of the land. I can, like many sadly have, choose to back oppression, racism, xenophobia, homophobia and transphobia, ignorance, and strict adherence to religious dogma. I could do this easily.

Or.

I can vote for a world where my children and their children can love who they want, can walk down the streets without fear, and can know that it is the science of reason that leads the minds in charge, discipline to the knowable, and maybe, just maybe, when I finally shuffle the coil of mortality and look my three beautiful children in their eyes one last time, I will not worry that they will be hurt by the government that is sworn to protect them.

There is no more beautiful and fulfilling part of being a citizen of the United States than being able to vote and decide, along with hundreds of millions of others, who will lead us into the future as a country.

Fucking Vote.