I, Bear, being sound of mind and body, do say the following to women who will know who they are as they read of themselves in the words herein…
I dropped my ring on the floor when we went for coffee the first time. You laughed when he found it on the floor and handed it to me and I fell in love with you before in the swimming panic I was in, you simply smiled and went with it like you always do. You let me buy you Calla Lilies. You spoil me with the support I do not deserve and love I cannot fathom. You have held me, literally and metaphorically as I have broken and fell to the ground in pieces and pieces. You forgave, for that alone you have me.
You walk in my Darkness and you are never afraid because who but the Air Traffic Controller can walk in the chaos of planes and never need to worry about getting hit by one? You are the sole reason I can never look at a coconut again and not cringe. You have solved some of the most complex things that I have ever had in my head with the ease of me writing that coconuts scare me now. You make me feel old and you are the only person I have ever met who can do it and make me feel good about it somehow. You let me hug you and spin you and you don’t punch me as hard as other people.
From the very first time I saw you, oddly enough with a full cup of coffee on your head, I knew that you were as wonderful a person as I could ever know and you have never once given me a reason to change that estimation of you. You know that we saw things blowing across a road that NEVER should be able to move on their own. You’re the reason I live here, you held my son before she did and it is one of the highlights of my life. For the record, I never tried to tickle your liver, well, maybe not NEVER.
You were the first one there with me that horrible morning and you sat and held me and cried with me with tears I have never forgotten. I remember every word of our first conversation on those uncomfortable stairs. You give some of the best hugs I have ever had, ever. You let me call you a ridiculous nickname and I think I can remember the limerick I made up about you that night if you give me enough time. I came and held your hand when times were dire and we will always have the memory of me being whatever all those kids were calling me.
I have told you I love you every single day for years. it is mostly the first thing I say to you in the morning and when you write me back I smile. You let me give you just as ridiculous a nickname as your genetic partner in crime above and I remember holding you on the porch and never wanting to kill someone quite as bad as I did that night. You have grown up terrifyingly fast and I am so proud to know you and who you have turned into.
I told you just yesterday that you were one of the most wonderful people I know and that your words and hugs were a balm to my very soul. I miss you so very much and I owe you a thousand times a thousand hugs for that and that alone not to mention all the other reasons. You have made me laugh and cry and you were always here for me when I needed you to be. Every single time.
That picture will always sit in the center of my heart as one of the most beautiful things I have ever known to have happened. Ordering a sandwich with you is an experience that should truly be filmed. I invented a new way to sign my name just for you and you alone. You make me cry each and every time I watch you dance. You tried to teach me truths I was not ready for and I am so grateful for you to have been patient and honest enough with me to try again.
Our conversations each morning are the highlight of my day. From consensual roaring to the lamenting of caffeinated absences. You are a truly beautiful woman within and without and I miss you a great deal and I owe you at least a gallon or two of coffee. You are an extraordinary human being and you have some of the most amazing children I have ever heard of.
I haven’t known you as long as I have known everyone else here, but you are still one of my closest friends. You allowed me to get past the creepy bear stage and you have listened to me in moments of mania and depression both. You brought me a cupcake and gave me a card that I still just next to my bed where I can see it each and every day.
Oh, you. I would never forget you. Golden Light. Sister Sweet. Magnificent and kind, wise and beautiful, sweet, and soulful. Ours is a history with far more tragedy than either of us would like, but you never once have quit on me even after all the ample opportunities I have given you to do precisely that.
No Love, I Have Not Forgotten You, Not Once…
You gave me everything that I ever wanted and all the things that I never even knew existed before you. Three kids, Ducks of renown and wonders of the heart. A decade of marriage, two countries, moving like vagabonds until we found our home, here among almost everyone up there I just wrote about, although you would love the sweetest one you never got to meet.
I am neither going anywhere temporarily or permanently, I truly love you all and I needed to tell you all how much. However, this is the best I could come up with.