I could get used to this sitting downstairs and talking into my phone thing. Maybe I should make this a daily thing. I would record them, and have my rusty tin can voice pour all over you, except that my air conditioner is loud, and the fan that I use to blow the air-conditioned air on me is even louder, so that’s not going to happen. Before you say something like “Oh Bear, it’s only 47 degrees outside right now”, all I have to say to you is… “So”?
There’s a comfort knowing that you were right. a moment where your brain can analyze something and know that for once, you didn’t react in a way that normal people would not have reacted in yes, I use the word normal people and then I use my name because let’s keep it honest, I’m not exactly what you would call the square peg in the square hole, or whatever other metaphor you want to use for that situation.
It’s kind of ironic that I am sitting here listening to the trash being taken out outside, and that is exactly how I feel about a lot of things in the world right now and I will leave that to your imagination. No, I really won’t, but I had to say that just on the off-chance that I was going to be nonpedantic and somewhat vaguely human. However, the time for me being a nice Bear has passed I think. and let me tell you why I’m mad, and it won’t be for the reason that a few if you think I am.
If you asked someone for a piece of information, and then they refused you that information, for whatever reason. The reason doesn’t matter in this particular context, would you then go and try and acquire the information from other sources?
Now I’m not talking about if you’re worried about if a house is on fire, or if you’re checking to make sure you didn’t leave the stove on or something. I’m talking some generalized bullshit that can not be known by you and your world would still keep going just as well as it has been. Why would you go to somebody else and ask that question, why couldn’t you just be content with the fact that nobody wanted to tell you, for whatever reason that they don’t owe you, and just move on with the fact that you don’t know? I like knowing things, I’m a big fan of knowing things, but sometimes you just don’t get to know all the fucking things.
For years, a lot of you have listened to me tell you that I’m not a good person. You though, you wonderful and beautiful people that love and know me well, kept telling me that I wasn’t a bad person. Today, and this does connect to the paragraph above, just bear with me for a second I’ll get back to it I promise, I have decided that I agree with you.
I’m not a bad person. I love my kids, I do everything I can for them. I love my friends, I’d give them the skin off my back if that’s what they needed. I help where I can, I donate money to causes I believe her just, I would March in the protest downtown this very day if I didn’t have those babies that I needed to take care of. So, I want to believe that I’m a good person.
However, a good person and a doormat are two different things. It has taken me a great many years to understand that because while I may not be a bad person, I’m not always the smartest person. I was always under the mistaken impression that people who called themselves your friends, lovers, partners, what have you, simply didn’t treat you in a negative way because that’s the way it was supposed to be. Naive, I know, but you have to admit it’s kind of cute in an endearing idiot way.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes guys oh, I’ve heard some of you that are reading this, I’ve hurt a few of you that are reading this badly. You found it in your heart to forgive me, and for that, I’ll always love you. Now, in the spirit of forgiving myself, I’m not going to talk about recent events anymore. Not because I’m not still very angry about certain things that have transpired, not because I don’t need to get it out, but because the more I talk about it the more I know that I will get into things that are not my business to discuss and that’s just not fair to anybody involved.
I wouldn’t call it taking the high road as much as I would call it choosing to be on a road at all and staying out of the mud path.
Start your week sane. Love one another. Wear your masks. Wash your fucking hands, and as always, until next time, I bid you peace.